Sparklers on Bridges

Becoming a mother (Or a father) is the most drastic change anyone can have in their lives. It's a cause and effect that keeps rotating over and over, and you're taken aback by the unexpected things. I knew having my daughter was going to "Weed out" my friends list. Some went unpleasantly, which is unfortunate. Some drifted off like the natural course of life. I don't want to say bridges have been burned, but there are definitely sparklers hovering above them.

I was never a partier. I'd have fun hanging with friends but alcohol was never required, and I am just as content sitting at home with a movie and pizza. After Nevaeh got here, the movie and a pizza night became much more frequent, and in fact I've really only been out a handful of times without her, and only one of those nights involved alcohol (And not out of control type).

I've been noticing a lot more sparklers recently. Maybe it's just me growing up and them not, combined with me having a child and them either not having a child, or having a different definition of what being a mother means than I do. I've made plans with a few people and they were either cancelled, or it was awkward because I had Nevaeh with me and we couldn't go go-carting or anything like we used to, so we just kind of sat around. The only things we would talk about were either my new role as Mommy or "The Old Days." Those were the last get togethers I had with those people. Blame is placed on both parts. I have not exactly made the effort, but neither have they. Living in Columbus away from everyone doesn't help, either. I get so tired making that drive to Lima, and so far no one except my brother in law has made the trip here, and he's obviously not one of my girlfriends.

It's bittersweet, for sure. Not that I miss the past, persay. I miss the friendships. Even my fellow Mommy-Friends. The ones I'm close with either live States away or aren't able to drive here, or are too busy (Like I admittedly am a lot of the time) to "squeeze" me in. It's wonderful to see everyone starting their new chapters in life, but it's a real shame our paths have gone too far apart. I really hope they can be rekindled someday, or that I can cross paths with a new chapter of Mom's who'll connect with me on the right level. Ones who live in my zip code, preferably. If it were up to Chris and I to choose where we end up (Speaking in terms of his employment with Sherwin Williams) we'd be off to a new State, a complete new start where there was a legitimate reason for no visits from friends, instead of excuses from both ends. I have a friend in PA whom I see being a lasting friendship (And our babies are arranged to be wed, so we might as well be friends anyway! ;-) ). There's also a plant there, so that wishful part of me crosses my fingers that if we end up in another state, PA is the one the arrow lands on. I really do need that friendship, that phone number I can dial by memory and gab away about nothing and everything. The spontaneous trips to the mall (now with our kids in tow). The one I can send random pictures to, the Just Because cards. The playdates and Mom dates, venting about our husbands. I have my long distance friends for that, but everyone knows it's just different, having someone just down the road.

Just a bittersweet post for today :-) I'm not upset at the way my life has turned out, I hope this blog doesn't portray that. Just a bit of mourning for the sparklers on long built bridges.