Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Adjusting for Three

I always love the rush of progress that new life brings. The moment I confirmed my sweet little girl was on the way, I flipped over the moon, dragging with me all the ideas stored in my mind. How to decorate the nursery, prenatal exercises, what foods to eat, the best body pillow a pregnant girl could have, a birth plan. Outside of the pregnancy itself were other obsessions. Like the nesting that grabbed me by the wrists and had me down on hands and knees the entire 9 (10) months, scrubbing every inch of my house. Rearranging furniture, organizing every last needle and sock so there was the most adequate amount of space in our modest Dayton home. Not that anything ever looked perfectly polished. I had ADHD so with that comes the sacrifice of anything actually getting done how I want it. I flit from one project to the next, change my mind twenty times halfway through a paint job.

I feel a strong urgency to go when I am pregnant. To hurry up and improve the life I'm currently living, so that it can seamlessly become that much sweeter when this new life joins in. This pregnancy is no different. My neighbors will confirm their many jokes of hiring me as a housekeeper or project tinker-er, just from the countless times they see me decluttering the garage, putting together a new shelf, wheeling a shopping cart (upside to living next to Walmart) of garbage down to the dumpster or hauling away a CRV load of Goodwill items, only to haul in an equally full load of new and improved things to modestly fill the house with comfort.

Chris and I decided to hold off on buying a house, a decision that I'm now ecstatic to have made. While we will be spending another year in this two bedroom townhouse, with three children...I'm strangely at ease with it. I know that I have until November to empty out this house of all things unnecessary, and fill it with things that will benefit us, and make the adjustment into three children that much smoother.

I'm evaluating my parenting styles. Which I'm sure would come whether a new baby did or not. It's important to always strive for improvement, especially when it involves the raising of your children. I know how difficult it has been to have two children, to overcome the sibling jealousy, the divided attention, the fraction of Me-Time, and the grasping at a slim chance at alone time with my husband. I know that with the addition of this third little love, will come new challenges, more stretching of time, more neediness and inevitable sibling jealousy. I want to make that transition as easy as possible, especially for the two little loves I have already been blessed with.

My sweet babies. Nearly two years they have been in each other's lives, and we're still getting the hang of it. Their personalities are so different. Landon is high energy, bursting onto your lap for a quick hug and kiss before he jets off to accomplish all things an almost 4 year old needs to accomplish. Nevaeh is pure excitement, an everlasting optimist who can't give enough lovin's. Daddy walks in the door from work and she bolts to him screeching daaaadddyyy and leaps into his arms to smother him with kisses. 
While their personalities defer so greatly, they still have that sibling bond that can't be severed. Amongst their bickering and "Moooom, Vaeh did thiiiis" moments, they give me sightings that stop my heart. Sweet hugs, laughter at a joke between them. When one gets in trouble, the other is quick to sympathize for their punished sibling.

I can't to add to that. This little nugget is growing inside my belly. I am 15 weeks tomorrow. In a way it's been quick, but in another way I feel the time is dragging by and I should be encouraging labor by this point. Patience is a virtue...one that I need to grasp a little more firmly. I am enjoying this pregnancy, the best I can since with Nevaeh I was a full time student and employee, and had so much going on that before I knew it she was in my arms and I longed to feel her kick one more time, or nudge herself into my right ribcage for a snooze. I am so excited for those moments with this child, and I know that I am blessed to be a SAHM this time around, and be able to fully embrace the bond we are already forming. 

Yes, I am well aware how fast I am showing this time around! I assure you, unless hiding in a dark undiscovered corner, there is only one in there :-) 

I am becoming more confident in who I am. I'm learning that when something makes me unhappy, or dissatisfied, I have the power to change it. I embrace the role of Mother whole-heartedly, and thank God every minute for blessing me with this family. This is what I was meant to do. I was born to be a Momma, and though I have been told that I should have lived my life first, gone through college and established myself...I can only smile at them and accept their concern. The passions I've had for life are not something that need to be accomplished before starting a family. Most of my passions involve my family, so really I'm benefiting myself. My life is being to the absolute fullest, I could not be happier with the path my feet are traveling. I'll stumble, and get things wrong, and change my mind on the things I do. But I have my husband Chris, my son Landon, my daughter Nevaeh, and this newest sweetie to ride the river with me. 

I am so Blessed!!